I find myself again alone, but not lonely. A longing however, persists. I am at a crossroads in my approach to life and to myself. I have always been alone, in so far as I could not even relate to myself. Not knowing both who and what I am, not knowing the nature of reality, of other people, etc. I did not know how to guide myself at all, through this world or through my own.
Now I am secure in myself, my perception has changed, and I persue greater and greater self-knowledge. That I want to be liked, comes no longer from an insecurity in myself, but rather a concern for the experience of others.
I have become curious about other people in a way which did not exist before, and yet mentally I still remain quite different. I have not yet seen a reflection of my own mind. While of course I have some vanity in this respect, I do not vouch for the superiority of my intellect. I have met many more intelligent than me, but none with my view of the world.
It is in our commonality that we seek and find others, so I have expanded and focused on my commonality with all people I encounter. However, I am being re-invented, I know not anymore what the context of my uncommonality has with the world.I just know it seems to be uncommon, whatever it ultimately is. This has instilled in me a detachment, a peaceable solitude, where before there existed an anguished alienation.
My vanity persists though, in that I write and speak now prodigiously of the change in my thought process. I seek commonality in part by working to create that commonality with others. All poets, artists, philosophers, politicians, or any who aspired to exert themselves upon the world are vain in this respect: That they valued their contribution to the world enough to leave a lasting impression.
What we seek in others, in our most intimate sense, is to see a reflection of ourselves. Not in the sense of a mirror, but to understand and be understood. A meeting of minds which bridges universes together.
So, I’m working on self-knowledge, but also practical matters of interacting with the world as an effective and happy human being. I’m using the faculties of my reason to explore a reasonable way of being.
It is both the easiest and hardest things to do. It is easy, because all one must do is remain curious, not caught up in drama, not inside their own story, but rather authoring it. To be a good person, all that is necessary is to make compassion your number one priority. To stay sane, all that is necessary is to take things as they come. To be happy, all one must do is approach life through the context of experience, rather than obsession over your own wants.
That all of this is so easy to see, it is amazing that I lived the majority of my life so far mired in misery. That is because it requires a great deal of self-knowledge, a commitment to living up to your better self, being authentic about your inauthenticities, and to be objective about other people.
It is hard as well, without realizing the difference between trying and practicing, and the realization that you are not your past nor your future, only your present. It is hard without the ability to be objective about your self, and not believe your own bullshit.
It is hard, because it is effortless. It is effort to worry about your past or your future, it is effort to make up bullshit, it is effort to force things, it is effort to hide your inauthenticities.
When really, so much of the peacable mind is in not engaging in effort. Not getting caught up, not getting stuck on things, not being all about one thing or the other. About subtracting distractions from our mind, rather than adding to them.While the knowledge and wisdom required [e.g., philosophic mind] to embrace the effortless mindset are extensive, the requirements of rational self-examination considerable, the more they are exercised the more effortless they become. The more you practice, the more you succeed.
In getting beyond myself, I shall find my center. In finding my center, I shall be whole.
“Companions the creator seeks, not corpses, not herds and believers.Fellow creators the creator seeks — those who write new values on new tablets. Companions the creator seeks, and fellow harvesters; for everything about him is ripe for the harvest.” –My old friend Friederich Nietzsche